Conversation Topics for a Week of Family Dinners

This summer I read The Secrets of Happy Families, by Bruce Feiler. In his chapter on family dinners, he suggested that what is even more important than sharing food is sharing conversation. That means making an effort to say more than "please pass the potatoes."

That's easier said than done. By the time I get dinner on the table and herd the family to it, it takes willpower to add a "please" to my "pass." Then there are the children. Have you ever asked a child what they learned at school today? Some children will start talking and just won't stop. Mine will reply dismissively by saying, "nothing."

So what do you say at the dinner table?

Feiler suggested that you have a different topic or theme for each day of the week, much like many families will assign tacos to Tuesdays. 

I read through his ideas, and decided to make up my own. It went something like this:

Sunday

Food: We break bread. Dinner rolls, challah bread, and sometimes stromboli are the anchor of our Sunday dinners.

Talk: An adult begins with "I'm thinking of a ____ who _____." The children guess who the person could be. On Sundays we focus on family and church, so this is usually a story about a family member, scripture hero, or prominent church leader. It helps to pay attention in Sunday School.

Examples:

I'm thinking of a grandparent who attended Olympus High School.

I'm thinking of a Biblical prophet who had to run away from a wicked queen.

Monday

Food: Meatless Monday. This is a great day to rotate our food storage by using vegetarian recipes like lentil chili or Brazilian black beans and rice.

Talk: What are you reading? 

I've found that not everyone is in the middle of a good book, but those who are enjoying telling everyone all about it.

Tuesday

Food: Taco Tuesday. When appropriate, leftovers from Monday will appear along with other toppings.

Talk: What is the best thing that happened today?

In his book, Feiler refers to studies that have shown that children who told experiences in detail remembered those experiences much better in the future. My hope is that by encouraging my children to talk about good experiences that they will hold fast to more happy memories.

Wednesday

Food: Sandwiches. For example: sloppy joes, gardenburgers, French dip, chicken salad, bbq pulled pork sandwiches, and pigs in a blanket (yes, that last one is a stretch).

Talk: What's the difference between _____ and _____.

This one was rather unmemorable. I'd like to try a comedy night instead, with each person sharing a clean joke or amusing story.

Thursday

Food: Pasta. Our most frequent pasta dish is spaghetti and meatballs, but I try to rotate in more sophisticated recipes to avoid palate fatigue. I plan to try minestrone when the weather cools.

Talk: It's thankful Thursday. What are you thankful for?

Friday

Food: Pizza. I make a homemade crust with the help of the bread machine every week.

Talk: Share a poem or a proverb. 

That's right! Friday is pizza and poetry night. This has quickly become my favorite conversation topic, and no, my kids don't spend a week preparing. I'll usually remind them to choose a poem while the pizza is in the oven. We have a volume of Shel Silverstein on a shelf in the dining room that often gets used. Jack Prelutsky is also a popular poet with kids. 

The 3 year old will proudly recite a nursery rhyme. One week my 10 year old surprised us by reciting a poem he had learned in school. I've been known to do a quick online search for a poem that goes with whatever topic suits my fancy. At least a couple of kids choose to share a wise or witty proverb instead of a poem, which is equally as entertaining.

Saturday

Food: Simplicity. Repurposing leftovers is typical, although frozen meals or homemade sub sandwiches are also possibilities.

Talk: Discuss a current event. What would you do if you were in charge?

The plan was for me to skim through the international headlines of The Guardian, or the week in review of a national newspaper, then choose a family dinner friendly topic to discuss (nothing too stressful or depressing). So far this theme has just made me realize how little attention I have been giving the news lately.

So, How Did it Go?

Well, poetry night is a new favorite, and "thankful Thursday" is easy to remember. Any of the nights that required preparation (aside from poetry night) were quick to slide as the weeks have gone on. Nights with rushed dinners were still difficult to make time for conversation.

What did we get out of this experiment? A couple new traditions, as well as a resource to pull from when the silence hangs heavier than cold gravy or the superficial chatter of cartoons and video games dulls the appetite.